I suck-eth,you suck-eth,the whole universe suck-eth…Posted: August 15, 2010
I’ve always wanted to be a Goddess…
Not the kind that just sits around and gets adored,venerated,worshipped,No,no no! I never wanted to be Aphrodite.I wanted to be a Goddess who actually does stuff.Like Athena for example,Goddess of war and wisdom..Toga-clad,shield in hand,mean,lean expression on her face.No superficiality,no nonsense,she means business when she means business.Not the kind of woman that u would want to mess with.
In a rebellious mood today.Maybe due to the fact that we got thrashed around in pure sinhala filth by a bunch of morons in our uni who are supposed to be the future “intelligentia” of the country(God bless our motherland!).Anyways,the point is,if I were a Goddess,I could think of a whole bunch of people that I would enjoy watching getting struk down by lightening.I wouldnt know what else to do with a herd of major air heads who are goverened by their loins.I guss they only have enough blood to run one organ at a time…(In a battle between the brain and the testicles,the testicles would undoubtely,unanimously win as to who wud frequent the blood stream to their use.That is by gross favoration ofcourse).Maybe thats why they think with the loins most of the time too.Saves the time blood takes to travel up and down from one part of the body to the other I guss.
Anyways,u must be thinking that I am burning up with anger,fuming(image of smoke coming out of my nose and ears coupled with the image of a fire-breathing dragon), red(or blue cz Im quite tanned) with anger,but no.I am quite calm and composed now,thanks to my super understanding boyfriend,who can be quite a boiled up steam engine himself sometimes,but we sort of have this therapeutic effect on eachother which is pretty darn awesome.(Darling u ROCK!) Anyways,as I was saying,you must be thinking “cheeeeeee….(A term of disgust often used by the sinhalese,specially by the female species),wot are you talking men?? Loins and testicles?? Cheeeeeeee….shame!Shame!!”(I just remembered Madame Niro’s advise on the translations unit that we were doing, to always put footnotes in places where a person is not quite so familiar with the context) I remember coming across the word “Poruwa” in Ashok Ferrey’s short story “Pig”.This is how I interpreted it.”PORUWA- An ornamental stage where the sinhala budhists perform mariage rituals”.Which got me thinking…Don’t all these marriage ceremonies resemble well rehearsed performances? You have the starring roles,the actor and the actress,the fancy cloths,the makeup people,paparazzis that just snap away mercilessly at u,just as you make a humble attempt to force down that well deserved bite of food into ur starved mouth that had been suffering from the wee hours in the morning,lights,camera and ACTION!!!Anyways,that’s another story for another day.
I do not have time to ponder over such trivial matters such as jobless university bafoons,so I decided to go ahead and do something productive instead.Like taking a nap for example.So as I just lay there and drifted away into the clouds and quite forgot who and where I was,I could almost imagine myself, The Goddesss,my toga-clad,Gold-brocaded,olive-wreathed,winged-slippered gorgous self reclining on a luxurious sofa,being fanned by angels and fed with grapes(and chocolate ofcourse,loads and loads of rich,creamy,hazelnut studded chocolate,and pineapple! I love pineapple!)And as a particularly smashing looking cherub was asking me if I would like my pineapples diced,sliced or cubed,my mother screamed “Dinner!!” and I had to wake up, a sad little pineapplechocolategrapeless wretch who is not fortunate enough to get fed by a cherub even in her dreams,let alone strike down a mortal by lightening.Sad really….
Anyhoooooooooooooo,I contemplate further and realize that I have a cute,not-so-little,adorable cherub of my own with weird hair and a cute little goatie beard that my mother just adores (Ha ha ha!) and comfort myself.He does not however, feed me pineapple,grapes and rich,creamy chocolate studded with hazelnuts but we can work on that (Yes I mean U!! :P)
And I’m thinking,maybe Miss My3’s lecture yesterday on T.S Elliot,modernism and the randomness of human conscience really got to me.Hmmmmm…Come to think of it,eversince that lecture, life has been well,a little bit “constipated” I’m afraid…But I have a great feeling about this,I have always loved her lectures and I’m pretty sure that I am going to be looking forward to Tuesday mornings from now on(Lets leave the final grades of the exam apart,shall we?)Anyways,I have realized that I will never be a Goddess(ouch!),even if I die and go to heaven(Lets not hold our breath),I will not last much long in there coz (a) I am kind of afraid of heights (b)I will never be as devine or gorgous enough(Ouch!) (c)I dont think they have Dialog TV there and (d) I’m decidedly not the ambrosia and harp music kind of person who likes to lie on a cloud,wonder whether my halo is straight and preen my wings all day.I’m more of a hellish sort of person and I would be screaming for hell in no time”Lemme out,Lemme out!!!!!” God will stretch out his devine foot, kick my devine butt outta heaven and away I will go screeching,all the way to hell.So life does sucketh sometimes,I suck-eth,u suck-eth,the whole universe suck-eth….But remember noble dudes and dudettes,when life Rock-eth,it REALLLYYYYY Rock-a-roll-eth.So lets just say Ewwww-eth and move on shall we? So hallelujah everyone!Have a blessed week!