Understanding The Dream


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This is my dream

A caricaturized truth woven

In spiders’ web and

Pulverized veins, warm

And squirting, molded

With the flesh of the living, watered

In blood, kneaded

With reality, a dream

Nevertheless, steeped

In the illusion of Life, sticky

Like saliva.

Do you constitute as real, or are you

A figment of my imagination? Worse yet,

Am I a figment of yours?

I do not know and I doubt that I will ever find out

Does it matter anyway?

Because,

This is my delusion, this is what I chose,

Trapped in a hallway of mirrors,

Ensnared in hapless eternity, because

There hadn’t been a choice, there had never been.

I dictate your terms or you dictate mine

And it is my decision to accept or reject

Because it is my dream, or I

A figment of yours.

But as all dreams go, we cannot control the circumstances

The instances are inconsistencies that revel in deeper calamities

But I can choose to wake up too early and let the dream end

Dissipate, disassemble, disintegrate to crumbly little nothings

Before its time is due.

For I am but a single drop

In an immense filthy ocean

Of pollution, corruption, unscrupulous exploitation

I dream of emancipation

From this insipid, vapid satire in which

We eat, drink, fuck and fall away

Like flies.

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Acceptance


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I don’t want to count the stars,

And wonder at those glistening points

Nor wander through the untouched thicket, Pffft!

Who has time for all this!

Well,

I don’t ask for much. Never have.

There is

Simply not enough time, nor patience

For self is the centre of it all.

Minutes fall around me, hours roll

Away, like pebbles

From the hands of a child

But do I dare whimper? Or shed a tear?

Negative.

Thick skin as they say, like cow hide

Beaten down, so many times

I hardly feel the pain.

Sometimes,

Those you love the most are the ones who enjoy watching you bleed. And

sometimes you need to ask yourself

Have all that love been in vain?

Hours roll, unfeeling, just as years have rolled before them

With the heaviness of machines, well oiled

Tired eyes, tired heart, spent and alone watch on

Indifference.

Where did it begin?

Where to end? Should it end? Questions

Those painful hooks, tear into the flesh

I don’t wear white, for it shows off the red

Of a wounded bleeding skin.

Haven’t you heard?

Simplicity is the hardest thing.

Less is more, more is less

Who makes these rules, where do they bend?

Can they bend?

Questions. They know

No answers. Life

Is such, as we constantly tell ourselves.

But is it really so? Who makes these rules?

Where do they bend? Can they bend?

No one knows, does

Anyone care?


Untitled till September


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Yesterday I felt your absence,

Right beside me, like a perilous drop

From which I edged away, fearing for life.

Emptiness overwhelmed, overthrew

What little sanity was left, as

Hip hop beats pelted all around

Like paralyzing darts at a

Sore, swollen heart.

Have you ever felt how lonely, how barren

These club beats make you feel?

Well, you know how this goes,

Every time I look at myself in the mirror I

Try so desperately to catch maybe

A glance of your smile in my own eyes, a splinter

Of a memory perhaps trapped within

From when I last held you.

Well, you know how this goes.

When feelings overflow I throw

Handfuls in the air and catch

What I can on paper, try and build

A bridge to you with words, but

Does that bring you closer? No, but I try.

And there I sat in a lonely cab homeward

Fingers itching, to ruffle your hair

Heart a wriggling mess, scratching itself in a frenzy

Mad with longing, just for a feel of you.

Yes, so your absence gives me words, bittersweet

On the tip of the tongue, but

I’d much rather have you instead.


Hazy evening


Intervene you must, oh fate

You funny little thing

Cruelty is your second nature, mystery

Being your thing.

Butterflies flew over head, while

Smiles popped lips like flower buds

Eyes locked, intertwined

Knowingly pregnant, exquisitely

Baffled.

You had to make your presence known, didn’t you?

Fate.

Some sulk in dark corners invoking

Whirlwinds of ominous sighs

While others disappear into the dark, dark night, shedding

Petals of longing behind.

Love is a word that never belonged here, of which

The syllables never touched lips, around which

Tongues were never curled, a word

Shrouded in confusion and feeling, a word

Merely whispered in thought, in secret

In the dark recesses of the mind

Sentiments sucked in by empty vessels of

Thundering silence, inner dementia

Creating illusions, breeding

Dark and pungent

Fantasies.

They walk

Hand in hand, in

A parallel universe where

Fate is but a word

That is jotted in parchment paper, blotted

Out by dust,

By

Beautifully golden, long forgotten

All encompassing dust.

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Living inside my head


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Gnawing at thoughts these tiny little creatures,

Scuttling all over, pricks sometimes

Those pointy meddling feet, numerous

In composition. Hurt

Comes at unexpected times.

Somewhere drips bleeding, and I

Think to myself that

People are meddlesome insects and I

Find solace only in my thoughts, so

Loyal and so intimate.

Walls have been built and I

Wouldn’t know where to begin to

Dismantle them, nor

If I would ever want to, the

Naive and trusting thing that I am, the

Humble clay walls that I’ve built,

Often misunderstood

For Citadels of pride.

I

Find my thoughts to be my friends and they

Keep me occupied enough, conversing

In varied tones, I

Live inside my head.


Facing the residual


Oh God! The residual love stings

Like glass splinters in the head, the pain

Lingers, the dolor

Of fading affection is

Bitter sweet, you cannot but weep

From exhaustion, tell yourself

It will all be over soon, but will it

Drown itself in the bog of indifference

That easily, while everything else

Crashes and burns, surrounds you

With throttling smoke?

Love fades, hang on

To its flimsy parting robes, leaving

Deep gashes on your wrists.


Tears are….


Tears are

Heart juice flowing from the eyes, wringed

From the insides, writhing

And coiling like a beheaded serpent

Frivolous attempt

To recuperate beheaded emotions.

Suffocating, stifling

Blood gasps for air

Liberating yet

Asyphyxiating, masochistic perhaps

As one gleans relief from

These painful drops…..