It starts with the small cracks
pushes through the crevices, tiny ugly blobs, remnants
of unconscious sighs.
Tar-black and reeking
of discarded hope, it whimpers
snuggling into the wounds
like all the puppies you’ve lost as a child.
In moments of loneliness it whispers
Coaxes you to feed, to nourish yourself
From its dark, dreary milk and
You gnaw, half-hearted
Like you do at cold food
A day too old to eat, but too much of a waste to throw out.
It starts from within
Swirls of disappointment, internal chaos and black, black death
And before you know it, you are all topsy-turvy
Too mangled and ugly for anybody to save
Like a mouse hanging from cat jaws
Like a forlorn napkin, held by a single peg
Against a raging storm.
This is my dream
A caricaturized truth woven
In spiders’ web and
Pulverized veins, warm
And squirting, molded
With the flesh of the living, watered
In blood, kneaded
With reality, a dream
In the illusion of Life, sticky
Do you constitute as real, or are you
A figment of my imagination? Worse yet,
Am I a figment of yours?
I do not know and I doubt that I will ever find out
Does it matter anyway?
This is my delusion, this is what I chose,
Trapped in a hallway of mirrors,
Ensnared in hapless eternity, because
There hadn’t been a choice, there had never been.
I dictate your terms or you dictate mine
And it is my decision to accept or reject
Because it is my dream, or I
A figment of yours.
But as all dreams go, we cannot control the circumstances
The instances are inconsistencies that revel in deeper calamities
But I can choose to wake up too early and let the dream end
Dissipate, disassemble, disintegrate to crumbly little nothings
Before its time is due.
For I am but a single drop
In an immense filthy ocean
Of pollution, corruption, unscrupulous exploitation
I dream of emancipation
From this insipid, vapid satire in which
We eat, drink, fuck and fall away
The city clothed itself in sombre robes
The trees stood silent, leaves no longer
Dilly-dallying in the wind
Respectful reverence, or was it
I saw your face through the haze, petrol fumes
Clouded my judgement. You
Touched my hand and smiled
Into my eyes. Cue – this is where I melt, into your arms
Helplessly, aimlessly wander, let you engulf me, liquid
But something had frozen. I guess I do not melt anymore
It was strange yet comforting, I needed you no more.
Yet words splatter the walls at unforseen moments,
At the absence of a janitor, I am left
Mopping up the walls in silence.
Gnawing at thoughts these tiny little creatures,
Scuttling all over, pricks sometimes
Those pointy meddling feet, numerous
In composition. Hurt
Comes at unexpected times.
Somewhere drips bleeding, and I
Think to myself that
People are meddlesome insects and I
Find solace only in my thoughts, so
Loyal and so intimate.
Walls have been built and I
Wouldn’t know where to begin to
Dismantle them, nor
If I would ever want to, the
Naive and trusting thing that I am, the
Humble clay walls that I’ve built,
For Citadels of pride.
Find my thoughts to be my friends and they
Keep me occupied enough, conversing
In varied tones, I
Live inside my head.
I remember those
Rainy September afternoons when
Wind brought you in
Like a whisper, lingering
In candied gasps
Apple pie baking,
Spicy golden fragrance, reminiscent
Of tinsel and Christmas
And foremost, tasted with nose
And then by tongue.
Bringing in, an armful of smiles
Staggering with the weight
Beating down on the windows then
Like the calming heartbeat
After a happy run in the sun.
A shining warmth, a
Sprinkling of sugar,
On a freshly baked bun.
Dilly-dallying leaves floating
In the tempest, evoked
By the muffled rain
Smell of fresh wood, wafting
In a note of music, each word uttered
Turning into luscious persistent
Sweet tea made with just
The right amount of love, warming
From the inside and you
Taking over, my soul
And my mind and I
Smiling at the thought, feeling silly
Yet warm, from the glow
Of your beatifying love.
We shall have beds full of subtle odors
Couches as deep as tombs
And strange flowers upon shelves
Exerting their last warmth at will.
Our two hearts shall beam, two large torches
Reflect their double lights
These twin mirrors inside our minds
Glowing softly and then the embers
Will fade into darkness within the flame
Wailing as it goes.
On an evening made up of a mystic pink and blue
We shall exchange a single flash, a morsel
Of a fading rainbow,
And heave a deep sigh
Like a long sob charged
With intense farewells,
The softest kiss upon the brow
Butterfly wings no more, it shall lie heavy
Rooted firmly, we have become
I should like to hold you now
Despite the yawning miles, defy
The gnawing acid of distance, perhaps
Reach out to you in your dreams, but you
Never really dream, do you?
Barred behind that impenetrable wall of sleep you
Wander off on your own, and I
Can do nothing else but wait
Till you unbar the sleep doors again the next morning
Setting those slightly bewildered eyes upon
Too much sunlight and a world that makes way too much fuss
Over unimportant things.
Maybe you will remember to stop
And dream a little tomorrow, at daybreak
In between sips of tea and
Driving to work amidst a
Honk infested city, but then again,
Remember but of me, of my thoughts
Always with you, early morning
Despite a slumber slurred voice greeting you
From the other end of countless strings of
Electromagnetic waves, coarsely spun
Of unrefined emotions that are
Generally healthier than the synthetic refineries
In plenty these days.
Remember me, of the unrefined caresses, words
Too coarse to be of plastic
In an otherwise plastic world.