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A careless stab that lands

Upon an open wound, you

Just would not let heal.

As you,

Smiling and calm, bury a knife deep in my belly

Pregnant with love, conceived for you.

You twist

The blade, ever so softly,

In teasing little tugs and jarring little pulls

Your words smooth and sleek, velvet gloved, jagged ends concealed, no one suspects

Till I rouse the goddess with my cries and then

I am to blame for my loudness,

My lack of ease.

Didn’t you know?

Love bleeds out, slowly, softly

A gentle whisper upon sleeping ears

Until it finally departs and leaves

A large gaping crater beneath?

You wouldn’t even know,

Everything you believe to be the ultimate ‘truth’

May not be the truth you see.

I am a catfish, larger than life, not

Without my scales and edges

And you prick me with pins, believing

This is love, wanting me to be

The goldfish that you would have me be.

Your fishbowl tightens around me

Like a noose, as I grow

And I grow and I grow and

Your fish bowl won’t fit me anymore.

And then,

What will you do? Release me to sea?

Or spear me through the heart

Letting me bleed to death in my sleep?

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This time


Maybe one day

Purple balloons shall carry me away

I shall fight those who make me unhappy

Embrace those who make me smile

Maybe one day

The lies of the past would make sense and it would hurt less

Eventually,

Stop beating myself up knowing that I let myself be fooled,

Understand

That nothing is for certain, that

Nothing is forever.

Maybe one day

All this would make sense

The motives will become clear

And one beautiful day I shall smile

I shall smile because I feel loved

Feel wanted,

And not because smiling is essential

For maintaining social interactions.

Maybe one day

I shall let go of all that weighs me down

And fly, soar up high

Without anyone making me feel any less

Than what I really am, perhaps

The sky will swallow me whole, make me

In to one of those

Cotton candy clouds, weightless

Heartless and float free, free and happy

Like a gust of wind or

A wisp of smoke.

That one day seems near

Eventually things disintegrate and I shall not interfere

This time.


Hello world!


So here I am…..My second blog…..*shrug* What next?