Here I sit and
Spin hours away, as days
Drag their feet across the floor making
A terrible racket.
You, in your acheful distance
Tug at my veins squirting
Purple blood, blue
I pine for you,
You pine for me and
End up in each other’s arms
Sooner or later. Not bad
For real life. But,
Right here, right now
My soul longs, for a scent of you.
Minutes fall around me, like shrapnel
From a splintered dream, if
I pay attention, embrace the shards for a moment of comfort, I
Always end up bleeding, tending
To my own wounds, with
Old rags of memories.
Utter nonsense, this distance
An unwanted boulder, in the midst of our warm, tranquil sea.
A beautiful yearning, yet
A crippling hunger that
Feeds on strands of happiness, falling through the blinds of absence.
This won’t do.
I miss you.
Yesterday I felt your absence,
Right beside me, like a perilous drop
From which I edged away, fearing for life.
Emptiness overwhelmed, overthrew
What little sanity was left, as
Hip hop beats pelted all around
Like paralyzing darts at a
Sore, swollen heart.
Have you ever felt how lonely, how barren
These club beats make you feel?
Well, you know how this goes,
Every time I look at myself in the mirror I
Try so desperately to catch maybe
A glance of your smile in my own eyes, a splinter
Of a memory perhaps trapped within
From when I last held you.
Well, you know how this goes.
When feelings overflow I throw
Handfuls in the air and catch
What I can on paper, try and build
A bridge to you with words, but
Does that bring you closer? No, but I try.
And there I sat in a lonely cab homeward
Fingers itching, to ruffle your hair
Heart a wriggling mess, scratching itself in a frenzy
Mad with longing, just for a feel of you.
Yes, so your absence gives me words, bittersweet
On the tip of the tongue, but
I’d much rather have you instead.
I sleep, like a log, no
More like a woman, craving sleep
At the last wisps of dreams, breaking
My nails as they flee
I always wake with a start, sometimes
Like the sky falls down, no
Like I fall down from the sky, it is
painful. Sometimes I bleed
Inside my mind.
Floating about mindless
Sticks to the senses, lulls you
To a dream-like state
Blissful, and blue, yet
Why must I always wake?
For duty calls, life calls,
No, what we’ve made our life, that’s what calls
It always calls, whispers like the fiend,
Clings to the skin
Like the nasty smell of vehicle smoke, like
Other people’s sweat, after a long day of work.
Jut into your gut, like elbows
At this time of the day
Stagger on cocoon-ward, blood bubbles
Toils and troubles inwards
Dreading yet another day
Darkness falls regardless.
Intervene you must, oh fate
You funny little thing
Cruelty is your second nature, mystery
Being your thing.
Butterflies flew over head, while
Smiles popped lips like flower buds
Eyes locked, intertwined
Knowingly pregnant, exquisitely
You had to make your presence known, didn’t you?
Some sulk in dark corners invoking
Whirlwinds of ominous sighs
While others disappear into the dark, dark night, shedding
Petals of longing behind.
Love is a word that never belonged here, of which
The syllables never touched lips, around which
Tongues were never curled, a word
Shrouded in confusion and feeling, a word
Merely whispered in thought, in secret
In the dark recesses of the mind
Sentiments sucked in by empty vessels of
Thundering silence, inner dementia
Creating illusions, breeding
Dark and pungent
Hand in hand, in
A parallel universe where
Fate is but a word
That is jotted in parchment paper, blotted
Out by dust,
Beautifully golden, long forgotten
All encompassing dust.
The city clothed itself in sombre robes
The trees stood silent, leaves no longer
Dilly-dallying in the wind
Respectful reverence, or was it
I saw your face through the haze, petrol fumes
Clouded my judgement. You
Touched my hand and smiled
Into my eyes. Cue – this is where I melt, into your arms
Helplessly, aimlessly wander, let you engulf me, liquid
But something had frozen. I guess I do not melt anymore
It was strange yet comforting, I needed you no more.
Yet words splatter the walls at unforseen moments,
At the absence of a janitor, I am left
Mopping up the walls in silence.
Gnawing at thoughts these tiny little creatures,
Scuttling all over, pricks sometimes
Those pointy meddling feet, numerous
In composition. Hurt
Comes at unexpected times.
Somewhere drips bleeding, and I
Think to myself that
People are meddlesome insects and I
Find solace only in my thoughts, so
Loyal and so intimate.
Walls have been built and I
Wouldn’t know where to begin to
Dismantle them, nor
If I would ever want to, the
Naive and trusting thing that I am, the
Humble clay walls that I’ve built,
For Citadels of pride.
Find my thoughts to be my friends and they
Keep me occupied enough, conversing
In varied tones, I
Live inside my head.
My phantom, my muse
You tease me, you test me dearly
With random smiles, a careless kiss from time to time
So tender on my lips, a painful brush, but
I quite like the pain.
My beautiful spirit, you
Have been away for far too long that
The springs have dried up and
The parched land yearns for a drop
Of your bountiful soul.
My sweetest spark, you
Give me words but never stories
Give me notes, but never full songs and
I’ve been waiting far too long.
My animus, afflatus you
Appear, disappear like
The April lightning, so sudden
So startlingly profound that you
Leave me gasping every time.
My impulse, my revelation, you
Dearest darling child who
Tugs at a heart string and runs away
And hides behind a dream, my
Ruthless, gentle child.