Yesterday I felt your absence,
Right beside me, like a perilous drop
From which I edged away, fearing for life.
Emptiness overwhelmed, overthrew
What little sanity was left, as
Hip hop beats pelted all around
Like paralyzing darts at a
Sore, swollen heart.
Have you ever felt how lonely, how barren
These club beats make you feel?
Well, you know how this goes,
Every time I look at myself in the mirror I
Try so desperately to catch maybe
A glance of your smile in my own eyes, a splinter
Of a memory perhaps trapped within
From when I last held you.
Well, you know how this goes.
When feelings overflow I throw
Handfuls in the air and catch
What I can on paper, try and build
A bridge to you with words, but
Does that bring you closer? No, but I try.
And there I sat in a lonely cab homeward
Fingers itching, to ruffle your hair
Heart a wriggling mess, scratching itself in a frenzy
Mad with longing, just for a feel of you.
Yes, so your absence gives me words, bittersweet
On the tip of the tongue, but
I’d much rather have you instead.
Mocks and teases, brings one to their knees
Licks the face with its fiery tongue
Watched the essence of life evaporate
In the infernal, dreary fog of the mind.
The glazed eyes, the words, the smiles
There hides an emptiness that words cannot define.
Grows, familiarity fades
Hostility proves a truth that the mind abhorred
Tenderness fades in to the distance, the heart
Squeezes and releases, reminding oneself
That it is merely a muscle and can be squished
To a pulp in careless hands.
Liquefaction of the insides
Dry up of tears
Blood rushes out.
It rained tonight
And drizzled across my mind, a thousand thoughts
That hummed and buzzed, shattered
Like glass beads across a hardened skull, the noise
Numbed the brain, as the beads
Rubbed against each other, teeth chattered
I wondered, maybe
The rain is to blame, thunder rumbled
And protested that it was not so, I remained callous
Listless eyes wandered
Across a wooden ceiling, rested themselves
On a rotating fan, round and round it went
Until I grew dizzy, the thoughts
Were quiet now, so was
The rain, there was
No one who would listen, the rain realized
That it wails in vain, and I realized
That I was all alone. So
The thoughts grew quiet and I
Ceased the chatter, bid farewell
To an indifferent ear, my thoughts
Laughed and did more bead grinding, tinkling as they ground
Patiently listened, words poured
The rain recommenced and this time
I listened. Because it needed to be heard.