I don’t want to count the stars,
And wonder at those glistening points
Nor wander through the untouched thicket, Pffft!
Who has time for all this!
I don’t ask for much. Never have.
Simply not enough time, nor patience
For self is the centre of it all.
Minutes fall around me, hours roll
Away, like pebbles
From the hands of a child
But do I dare whimper? Or shed a tear?
Thick skin as they say, like cow hide
Beaten down, so many times
I hardly feel the pain.
Those you love the most are the ones who enjoy watching you bleed. And
sometimes you need to ask yourself
Have all that love been in vain?
Hours roll, unfeeling, just as years have rolled before them
With the heaviness of machines, well oiled
Tired eyes, tired heart, spent and alone watch on
Where did it begin?
Where to end? Should it end? Questions
Those painful hooks, tear into the flesh
I don’t wear white, for it shows off the red
Of a wounded bleeding skin.
Haven’t you heard?
Simplicity is the hardest thing.
Less is more, more is less
Who makes these rules, where do they bend?
Can they bend?
Questions. They know
No answers. Life
Is such, as we constantly tell ourselves.
But is it really so? Who makes these rules?
Where do they bend? Can they bend?
No one knows, does
Here I sit and
Spin hours away, as days
Drag their feet across the floor making
A terrible racket.
You, in your acheful distance
Tug at my veins squirting
Purple blood, blue
I pine for you,
You pine for me and
End up in each other’s arms
Sooner or later. Not bad
For real life. But,
Right here, right now
My soul longs, for a scent of you.
Minutes fall around me, like shrapnel
From a splintered dream, if
I pay attention, embrace the shards for a moment of comfort, I
Always end up bleeding, tending
To my own wounds, with
Old rags of memories.
Utter nonsense, this distance
An unwanted boulder, in the midst of our warm, tranquil sea.
A beautiful yearning, yet
A crippling hunger that
Feeds on strands of happiness, falling through the blinds of absence.
This won’t do.
I miss you.
Yesterday I felt your absence,
Right beside me, like a perilous drop
From which I edged away, fearing for life.
Emptiness overwhelmed, overthrew
What little sanity was left, as
Hip hop beats pelted all around
Like paralyzing darts at a
Sore, swollen heart.
Have you ever felt how lonely, how barren
These club beats make you feel?
Well, you know how this goes,
Every time I look at myself in the mirror I
Try so desperately to catch maybe
A glance of your smile in my own eyes, a splinter
Of a memory perhaps trapped within
From when I last held you.
Well, you know how this goes.
When feelings overflow I throw
Handfuls in the air and catch
What I can on paper, try and build
A bridge to you with words, but
Does that bring you closer? No, but I try.
And there I sat in a lonely cab homeward
Fingers itching, to ruffle your hair
Heart a wriggling mess, scratching itself in a frenzy
Mad with longing, just for a feel of you.
Yes, so your absence gives me words, bittersweet
On the tip of the tongue, but
I’d much rather have you instead.
The city clothed itself in sombre robes
The trees stood silent, leaves no longer
Dilly-dallying in the wind
Respectful reverence, or was it
I saw your face through the haze, petrol fumes
Clouded my judgement. You
Touched my hand and smiled
Into my eyes. Cue – this is where I melt, into your arms
Helplessly, aimlessly wander, let you engulf me, liquid
But something had frozen. I guess I do not melt anymore
It was strange yet comforting, I needed you no more.
Yet words splatter the walls at unforseen moments,
At the absence of a janitor, I am left
Mopping up the walls in silence.
Gnawing at thoughts these tiny little creatures,
Scuttling all over, pricks sometimes
Those pointy meddling feet, numerous
In composition. Hurt
Comes at unexpected times.
Somewhere drips bleeding, and I
Think to myself that
People are meddlesome insects and I
Find solace only in my thoughts, so
Loyal and so intimate.
Walls have been built and I
Wouldn’t know where to begin to
Dismantle them, nor
If I would ever want to, the
Naive and trusting thing that I am, the
Humble clay walls that I’ve built,
For Citadels of pride.
Find my thoughts to be my friends and they
Keep me occupied enough, conversing
In varied tones, I
Live inside my head.
My phantom, my muse
You tease me, you test me dearly
With random smiles, a careless kiss from time to time
So tender on my lips, a painful brush, but
I quite like the pain.
My beautiful spirit, you
Have been away for far too long that
The springs have dried up and
The parched land yearns for a drop
Of your bountiful soul.
My sweetest spark, you
Give me words but never stories
Give me notes, but never full songs and
I’ve been waiting far too long.
My animus, afflatus you
Appear, disappear like
The April lightning, so sudden
So startlingly profound that you
Leave me gasping every time.
My impulse, my revelation, you
Dearest darling child who
Tugs at a heart string and runs away
And hides behind a dream, my
Ruthless, gentle child.
I remember those
Rainy September afternoons when
Wind brought you in
Like a whisper, lingering
In candied gasps
Apple pie baking,
Spicy golden fragrance, reminiscent
Of tinsel and Christmas
And foremost, tasted with nose
And then by tongue.
Bringing in, an armful of smiles
Staggering with the weight
Beating down on the windows then
Like the calming heartbeat
After a happy run in the sun.
A shining warmth, a
Sprinkling of sugar,
On a freshly baked bun.
Dilly-dallying leaves floating
In the tempest, evoked
By the muffled rain
Smell of fresh wood, wafting
In a note of music, each word uttered
Turning into luscious persistent
Sweet tea made with just
The right amount of love, warming
From the inside and you
Taking over, my soul
And my mind and I
Smiling at the thought, feeling silly
Yet warm, from the glow
Of your beatifying love.